Though there is plenty that is stressful in the world these days, I’ve found that what drives folks’ distress most are memories of things that have already happened. In our logical mind, we know that we’ve survived those incidents. But our inner mind, which is aimed at trying to protect us from threats, can remain stuck in the past.
Some trauma experts call this the experience of “living memory.” Naming an experience as living memory when you are feeling activated in a familiar is a good first step toward healing.
Although the events humans endure can be horrific in and of themselves, it’s the meaning we make of these events that perpetuates our suffering. Our beliefs about ourselves, others and the world around the tough things that we’ve experienced stay lodged in our implicit (think subconscious) memory. We unwittingly filter our subsequent life experiences through these old emotional learnings.
The problem is that most of these beliefs no longer serve us. According to biologist Bruce Lipton, our core beliefs are generally encoded before the age of 7. The moral reasoning of a young child isn’t nuanced. If that child has adverse experiences, including a deficiency of nurturance and attunement, the child will conclude that it is a deficiency in themselves that’s to blame. This is the origin of the epidemic of “Not Good Enough.” Hypnotherapy trainer Jon Connelly humorously sums up the child-like core belief so many of us have that “If I could just be “gooder”, everything will be ok!”
The hopeful news is that we now know that these core beliefs, along with the memories wherein they got encoded, can be modified. In 2004, neuroscientists discovered a kind of neuroplasticity called memory reconsolidation. When a memory file is taken out of storage, the synapses involved become labile, open to being re-encoded with new information. It’s then possible to update the beliefs attached to that event.
But this update can only happen with an experience of “mismatch”. Here’s where your imagination can be very helpful. A classic example of a mismatch is bringing your adult self into a scene of childhood distress to reparent that child. Here, new learning collides with the core belief. The inner mind can’t hold two opposing beliefs about the same thing at the same time (such as it’s all my responsibility/it’s not my fault or I’m powerless/I can survive,) so will update to the new belief.
The art of trauma therapy lies in helping clients to identify implicit beliefs that have been learned and what they want to believe instead about themselves and others involved in the distressing memory. Most of what rules our lives is out of our conscious awareness, so making the implicit explicit can take some exploration. Good trauma therapy also optimizes ways in which the client can experience a mismatch. The inner mind responds more to images, movement, touch and music than it does to words.
Words are important, though, when it comes to retelling the story of the traumatic memory. When we tell and retell the story about what truly happened, but with the more accurate and adaptive meaning, this can reconsolidate the memory. New learning replaces old learning.
After this step, the emotion attached to the memory is typically neutralized. You still remember the event, but are no longer triggered by it. This is true freedom from suffering.
Now that you know such transformational change is possible, is it time to update your core beliefs and become your best self?